The Three of Us
by sora1shiro
Summary: Naruto has dissociative identity disorder (multiple personality disorder), and his counterparts, Kurama and Menma wreak havoc in his place. While Naruto's sunny and energetic, Menma's aggressive with slight anger issues. Menma's gotten Naruto into plenty of trouble before, so being a bouncer's really his last shot at a job. I DON'T OWN THE NARUTO FRANCHISE AND MAKE NO PROFIT.


I've always considered myself an ass kind of man. I mean, boobs're great and all, but there's just something spectacular about the little dimples that belong to the person I'm ramming into from behind. Doesn't matter if they got boobs or not. Hell, it doesn't really matter to me if they have a vagina! As long as they got that butt.

But I think I'm getting a bit ahead of myself here. Name's Menma Uzumaki, don't wear it out. I'm just your average hot guy that may enjoy carnal pleasures a bit _too_ much. But that's perfectly fine by me. The chicks hangin' offa me don't seem to mind all that much either. Sometimes I think they'd rather go home with me then stand in line outside Ecstacy. And that's sayin' a lot. Sure, it may have a lame ass name, but it's about as hardcore as you can get.

Drugs, sex, and even trafficking, Ecstasy is the home of the black market. And I'm the bouncer here. Well, Naruto is, but eh. Details. Oh I'm sorry, are you confused? Let me explain this to you. I share a body with two other people: Naruto and Kurama. Naruto's the base personality, and Kurama's convinced he's a thousand year old fox demon. Calls himself the Kyuubi no Kitsune, and the city has learned to fear his name.

A few years back, he got a nine tailed fox tattooed on our back to validate his identity. Honestly, he's like a teenager going through an identity crisis. And Naruto's the pure one. Me and Kurama might both be fucked up assholes, but not Naruto. He doesn't need to know what we know; what we've done, seen or heard. He just needs to stay protected. Because he's fragile.

But really, I should say that my balls are fragile too. I haven't had sex in forever, and all these short skirts and tight leather pants are giving me blue balls! Fucking evil cockteases. I hate that I have to play guard dog out here in the cold with these other losers while there're plenty of bitches in the club partying their asses off. But I don't envy the sorry suckers comin' out of the club absolutely wasted.

"Hey Menma! How's your night been?"

"Ah, the usual. How've you been, Karin?"

"Good enough. It'll be better when I get some action in the club. Do me a favor?" she asked, fluttering her eyelashes a bit for added measure.

I sigh. I've done her too many favors already. See, Karin's a junky. She likes to mix drugs and BDSM, which isn't the safest combo, as proven by the numerous scars of bite marks all over her body. I'd give 'er a good time myself, but that's just not my cup of tea.

I'm not exactly her cup o' tea either, so we both prefer to just look at what could've been.

"Well, for a pretty little thing like you, I guess I can," I said, leering at her curves in the skimpy black party dress she wore. "You owe me some ramen, though."

"Sure, sure. Later. Thanks again!" she said, not bothering to turn around to thank me as she strutted through the doors of the club, hips swaying and on the prowl. Yet again, I wished I could join the throng of grinding bodies bouncing to the EDM, but was unfortunately still on shift out here.

The rest of the night went on similar to this, with a few acquaintances callin' me up, and the line gradually shortening as more people reached their drinking limit. Just before my shift was supposed to end, some ass said they'd be comin' in late, so I had to stay for a little unpaid overtime. Che. Cheapskates.

While I was cursing every god I knew of, my eyes widened. There was the most beautiful man I've ever seen, leisurely strolling towards me. Eyes on the prize, he smirked confidently while ignoring the angered cries of the people he was cutting in front of.

He slid a hand out in front of him and raked his eyes up and down my form, sending a shiver down my spine. I gave him the same courtesy, blatantly checking him out.

"Nice to see you again. I came back as promised," he said, his onyx eyes smoldering intensely. I stopped up short, confused. Coming back? I've never seen this guy in my life! Then I looked back at him, and saw a bill discreetly hidden in his outstretched hand. Ooooh. So _that's_ his game, huh? Smart.

I smirk of devious understanding formed, and I hoped to God my pause didn't look too unnatural.

"Hey! Good to see you back!" I said, taking both his hand and the green bill. I shook it once, then put my hands in my pockets.

"Good to _be_ back." I saw the next guy comin' up to take over for me, and felt a burst of my usual rashness coming back to me. Pretending to escort him into the club, my hands gradually lowered from his shoulders, down his spine, to land on his ass. I gave it a squeeze as I leaned in to whisper in his ear.

 _Ladies first."_

Flustered rage crossed his features, and he growled.

"Make no mistake; if we spent a night together, you'd be _bottoming_ ," he hissed.

"Ha! As if that'd ever happen! Later." I didn't give him a chance to reply, and instead walked off towards our apartment, enjoying a childish sense of victory over having said the last word.

I walked along the cracked pavement, and the dim streetlights emitted a loud buzzing. I slowly worked my way down the blocks, in no hurry to escape the nightlife. I was peaceful, until I remembered that tip I got. I pulled out the bill, and my eyes nearly popped out of my head! One hundred. _ONE HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS._

 _HOLY SHIT!_

That'll get us through the next water bill _and_ give us some extra money for food! Score!

Oh man, this has been one hell of a good day! Eye candy, a tip, and not to mention that hot piece of ass from the club. Inky black hair, dark eyes, and porcelain skin, that man was a living wet dream.

Oh geeze; I don't even know the guy's name and I'm already goin' googoo eyes on 'im. I hope he comes on my shift again. But that's just wishful thinking.

 **...Hi...**

 **This is a plot bunny that I wanna try out, especially with trying to get into the habit of writing.** **So just as forewarnings: if you couldn't already tell, there's _very_ coarse language, mature/dark themes, and possible trigger warning.** **This is mainly yaoi, but will include others depending on what pairings I want to try out.** **The main pairings are:**

 **Sasuke X Naruto**

 **Menma X Sasuke**

 **Sasuke X Menma**

 **Possible Kyuubi/Kurama X** **Sasuke**

 **If** **anyone's still willing to give it a go, please help me shape this into something that others enjoy reading. Please please PLEASE send me constructive criticism. Thank you.**

 **...p.s.**

 **I know that Menma is... _hormonal,_** **but I've never seen the movie he's in, so I have no idea what he's actually like. So sorry for basically making him an OC...**


End file.
